And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
