guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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