I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I looked at my own cervix.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
