I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
