That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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