hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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