How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are we still banned from the library?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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