We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
