I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
