did you get engaged???
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
