I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
