I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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