The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize