I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The struggles of a small town man whore
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
