You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
