Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
