im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
