I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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