i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
