Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
