i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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