just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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