im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
