I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize