Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
im on a boat
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