My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
