Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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