i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
