RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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