Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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