I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
