Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
