I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
