the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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