WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
