He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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