i permit you to call me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think people are normalizing furries
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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