The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
