Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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