the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
