My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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