No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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