guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
