I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize