Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
