apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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