I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
