i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
