i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
