Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
