You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize