He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
