I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
