are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
