I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
