i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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