she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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