can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
