if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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