hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
