We're like a lot better than the average bears
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
