so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
