did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
