Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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