I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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