yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize