at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
