Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize