I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
