And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
