i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
