things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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