They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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