Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
