my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
