And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize