please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
