i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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