dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
