STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
