are you so shy because you have an std?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
