At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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