he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
