Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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