you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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