dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
