He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
