I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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